shine and light and guide me home
by garyprestons
Summary: Post-A Brief Encounter.
1. Chapter 1

_Well hello to you and thanks for joining! You might have noticed I'm not in my own flat. I've been staying at Stevie's ever since the disastrous morning of mum's vow renewal party. I actually went to my parents' first, thinking it was the last place anyone would ever look for me, but apparently Friday nights are sexy sombrero nights, and that was too much trauma for one day. Ay carumba!_

_Stevie is proving to be a lovely hostess, though. She's got all the best food, she's out every night so I can watch as much rubbish telly as I want, and the best part is, nobody has thought to look for me here. They all think I've run off to Scotland! Which, I admit, I did consider at first. What better way to renounce men than to flee to a country best known for the world's shortest street? (Stevie would be quite at home there, ha!) But I couldn't just leave._

_I did break up with Mike, though – this time I actually managed to get through it without being interrupted or being a wimp. It was, what I call, traumatizing. I never hope I have to break someone's heart ever again. He's going back to Africa, and I know he'll find someone lovely there who likes adventure as much as he does._

_But that's enough dreary chatter for now. I've got pizza, a cup of tea, and the newest boxset of Glee waiting. Who needs relationships when you have campy American musical dramas?_

Miranda was reaching for her fourth slice of pizza when the door opened and Stevie flew into the flat.

"Hey, I hadn't even unwrapped that yet!" she whined when she saw the opened boxset on the table. Dropping down onto the sofa beside Miranda, she stole the piece of pizza from her hand and took a huge bite. "Ew, what is this? Pepperoni and… onions? That's disgusting!"

"I know, but just give it a minute. You'll see." Pepperoni and onion pizza had been the go-to toppings of choice back at uni, and as Stevie took another careful nibble Miranda saw her eyes widen in surprise.

"Okay, so it's not completely horrible, but don't breathe on me!"

"Trust me, I have no desire to put my mouth anywhere near yours," Miranda teased her, and Stevie stuck her tongue out at her before curling up on the sofa and glancing towards the telly.

"Have you been here all day?" she asked after a moment, still watching the screen.

Miranda sighed and hugged her knees to her chest. "Yes, Stevie. That's the point of hiding out. I can't go out or someone will see me. And nobody knows I'm here, or that I'm even in town! And you know I'm a horrible liar – if anyone where to ask I'd just come up with something ridiculous. Tilly rang earlier and said she'd pay for my train ticket home. I told her I couldn't because I have a new job grooming hedgehogs."

Stevie gaped at her, pizza slice hanging from her hand. "That's ridiculous!"

"I know! So it's best I just don't answer my mobile anymore. I put it in the freezer."

"That phone cost two hundred pounds!" Stevie shrieked, jumping off the sofa and running to the freezer to rescue it.

Miranda shrugged and finished another slice while she listened to Stevie chatter on.

"Is your password still 1234? Never mind, got it – you have eight new text messages. Three from your mum, two from Tilly – one from me I sent you three days ago! Rude! And… two from Gary. Huh, only two? He was texting you on the half hour earlier this week."

Miranda groaned and lay down on the sofa. "Don't read it, just delete it."

"Really? You're not the least bit curious?"

"He's said it all before, and I don't want to hear it. I can't deal with this right now, Stevie!"

Stevie was quiet, and then: "There, I've deleted them all. My, you really are in a state, aren't you?"

She walked back over to the sofa and moved Miranda's legs out of the way so she could sit.

"I should have gone to Scotland," Miranda mumbled into the cushion under her head. "Or anywhere. Just somewhere other than here. I just wanted to get away from everything, just for a little bit. I don't think I would have stayed. I would have missed everyone."

"Even me?" Stevie asked, and she nodded in reply.

"Of course, you idiot. You're my best friend."

They watched another episode of Glee together in relative silence, finishing off the rest of the pizza between the two of them before Stevie went to go change into pyjamas. She dragged in the duvet from her bedroom and they pulled out the sofa bed.

"So if you could go anywhere, where would you go?" Stevie asked as they constructed a makeshift pillow fort.

Miranda thought about it for a moment before replying. "Paris?"

Stevie's eyes lit up. "Really? Do you even know French? I mean, I know you took French with Keith back in school—"

"Can we not speak of my French teacher who you shagged?" Miranda interrupted, and Stevie hit her with a pillow.

"Fine. But Paris? Where they eat snails?"

"I know, it's silly, it's just…" Miranda's voice trailed off into silence, and she flopped down onto her back and looked up at the ceiling. Years ago, many years ago, back in university, she and her friends had planned a trip to Paris over summer break. The plans had fallen apart and she'd been devastated, and it had been on her bucket list ever since. "I've always wanted to go, and really the only thing holding me back is that I absolutely hate flying…"

"So take the train!" Stevie suggested, rolling over onto her side and propping her head up on her hand. "Look, if you really want to get out there and do something for yourself, then just man up – well, woman up, I suppose – and do it! But you can't just hide away and wallow forever. It's not healthy, and you staying over is putting a damper on my social life. I can't exactly bring anyone home with you here sleeping on the sofa, can I?"

Miranda laughed for what felt like the first time in ages; it surprised her and for a moment she felt inexplicably sad. She'd never been the type to be cynical – her childlike enthusiasm and wonder made that impossible – but she couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so down.

"Can I borrow your laptop, then?" she asked, and Stevie hopped off the bed and went to go get it from her desk. Once she'd settled back down next to her, they pulled up the train schedules and scrolled through them.

"There's one that leaves tomorrow, but you'd have to sneak home to pack," Stevie reminded her. Miranda frowned slightly and clicked through to the following day.

"Right, I'll leave on Friday. That gives me enough time to smuggle myself back to my flat, pack a bag, and make it to the train station," Miranda decided. "And I'm hoping a certain blonde doesn't tell a certain chef that I'm leaving this time."

Stevie held up her hand to her heart. "I won't breathe a word. Go to Paris, Miranda! Do everything you've wanted to do and when you're ready, come home. Please promise me you'll come home."

Stevie's eyes were worried, and Miranda leaned over to give her friend a hug. "I won't stay long, small one."

They hugged for a long moment before pulling apart and Stevie reached for the boxset of Glee. "This stays here, though."

"Rude."


	2. Chapter 2

To her credit, Stevie lasted an entire forty-eight hours before she decided she needed to do a little bit of meddling. On Sunday morning she stopped by Gary's restaurant for breakfast, and as she clambered onto the bar stool, he brought over her coffee and immediately started with the questions.

"Um, you haven't seen Miranda lately, have you? Or talked to her?"

Stevie kept silent as she added two sugars and three creams to her coffee.

"Stevie? Look, I know you know where she is."

Stevie sighed and looked up at him with a sympathetic smile. He looked like he hadn't slept in days, and his nerves were clearly shot.

"I do," she admitted, "but why on earth do you need to know?"

"I've got to make things right. I've got to apologise to her for what happened. And… I really need to see her. It's been over a week and I just… miss her."

Stevie took a sip of her coffee and regarded him with a critical eye. "See, this is the problem. You only get real with your emotions when Miranda's not here. You only want her because she doesn't want to see you, just like you only went to the train station because you thought you were going to lose her, and you only proposed because you thought she was going to say yes to Mike, not because you actually wanted to marry her."

There was a flicker of something in Gary's eyes, a flash of uncertainty that made Stevie raise her eyebrows in surprise and lean in closer. "Wait, what was that look?"

"What look?"

"That look just now. Did you… did you actually want to propose to her?"

Gary's sputter of defiance was almost comical. "No! I mean, no. Well, I mean, we had that whole safety husband and wife thing… but maybe. I don't know, I guess I always thought if I was going to settle down with someone and have a family… it would be Miranda. And yeah, I was terrified she was going to say yes to him, because I couldn't even say I love you…"

"Do you love her?" Stevie asked, stirring her coffee absently with her spoon. Gary fidgeted with the hem of his chef's jacket for a moment before looking up at her.

"I've loved her since uni, Stevie. For ages. It's taken me that long to figure out that' s what it was. I tried telling her back then, but it never worked out. I'd sort of… well, she was the one that got away right up until we ran into one another right here in this exact spot. And I keep letting her get away. Why do I keep doing that?" he asked her in frustration.

She took her time before replying; she wasn't really an expert at psycho-analysing Gary Preston's emotional range but she had a few theories. "Maybe you're… scared? I mean, you're a bit of a commitment-phobe, Gary. You never stay with someone for long! But of all the people you could choose to date, I don't get why you're so scared of being with Miranda. You've spent more time with her than any other girl I've ever seen you with. You two have practically been married since uni! Never mind that you were my friend first before I introduced you two, because I didn't mind getting pushed aside since I was rooting for you two to get your acts together and just… be together!"

Gary sighed quietly and ran his hand through his hair. "You're right, I know you're right. I'm scared of being with her because of that exact reason: because she's my best friend. What if we broke up and I lost her completely? I couldn't handle that. She's too important to me. And you saw what happened with my parents – is there really a point at all to falling in love if there's no guarantee it'll even last?"

"But you don't know that! You're just expecting the worst because of what's happened in the past. Miranda's different. She loves you unconditionally just the way you are. She just wants to be with you. All she wants is for you to tell her that you want the same thing. Until you can, I think… I think you've already lost her, Gary."

"Stevie, you have to tell me where she is. I need to find her and tell her… everything. All the things I've never said to her because I didn't have the guts."

Fully aware that Miranda would probably try and kill her for doing this, Stevie took a breath and then blurted out: "She's in Paris."

Gary's reaction was not what she expected at all. He looked at her in completely shock and then grinned at her like a loon. Maybe he really has gone mad, Stevie thought, as she watched him yank off his chef's jacket.

"Right, we're going to Paris, then," he announced, and hurried to grab his jacket from the coat stand. Stevie slid off the stool in confusion, his words not quite making sense.

"Wait, we?! You mean me?"

Gary poked his head into the kitchen. "Knocking off early, Brian! …yes, I know we've just opened, but it's a… personal emergency."

Stevie heard Brian mutter a few choice words and then Gary was grabbing her arm and pulling her out the door.

"Wait, where are we going? Are we actually going to Paris? Are you kidnapping me?" Stevie demanded, and Gary's laugh was one of the loveliest things she'd heard all week; she was pleased to see him in better spirits but she was still completely confused.

"Three years ago, Miranda and I promised to be one another's safety wife and husband if we hadn't found anyone by age 55."

"55? That's so far off!" Stevie observed.

Gary was still holding onto her arm, and she shook him off. "Well, it's meant to give you time to find the one. Only she was right there in front of me agreeing to this silly arrangement and I didn't put it all together at first."

"Is there a point to this? And can you please slow down? My legs aren't as long as yours!" Stevie complained.

Gary didn't slow his hurried pace, and Stevie shot him a furious look before breaking into a light jog.

"Well, our friends – Chris and Allison? — did something similar, and he took her to Paris and proposed. So it's been a running joke between Chris and I how that's what you're supposed to do if there's a moment."

"And you and Miranda had a… moment?" Stevie asked, out of breath slightly.

"We've had tons of them. And we're about to have another. In Paris."

Stevie skidded to a stop right there on the pavement, grabbing Gary's arm to stop him along with her. When he turned back to her, she glared at him in disbelief.

"I'm sorry, are you actually going to propose to her? Again?"

"Stevie, you're right. You've always been right, all the times you've tried to tell me and I never listened. I'm rubbish at telling people how I feel, what I want. Now I finally know, and I'm still terrible at saying it."

"So let's practice. Who do you want?"

She saw the way his eyes lit up at the thought of her, the way he smiled. "Miranda."

Stevie reached out and hugged him excitedly. "Finally!"

"I know, I know. But look, that's why we're going to Paris."

"You really want me to come with?"

"If I'm going to actually do this, I want to do it right. I need to do it proper this time. I need your help."

Stevie's expression softened, and she smiled up at him. "Of course I'll help! I am, after all, an expert at romance. What do you need?"

Gary thought about it for a moment. "Well, I haven't exactly come up with a plan. I'm being… spontaneous? But you can't tell Miranda we're coming. Or at least, you can't tell her I'm with you. And I need to buy her a ring. I didn't have one last time, so…"

Stevie was already pulling a notepad and a furry pen out of her bag. "Okay, you need to go home and change and get your things together. I'll do the same, and we'll meet up in say, an hour?"

"You're really going to help me with this?" Gary repeated, looking a little surprised still. She tried not to take it personally.

"I've only been rooting for you two for the last fourteen years! You two are my best friends. All I want is for you two to be happy. If you think this is going to work, then we have to do it. Now get a move on – we've got a train to catch!"


	3. Chapter 3

Miranda was exhausted by the time she got in to Paris. Her first order of business once she'd checked into her hotel room was to check the minibar situation, followed by a quick nap, which she didn't wake up from until hours later. Oops!

Her mobile buzzing on the nightstand woke her up. It was Stevie. She smiled as she answered, stifling a yawn behind her hand. "Hello!"

"And bonjour to you!" Stevie greeted her. "How's Paris?"

"Excellent minibars. Beyond that, I haven't seen much. Fell asleep as soon as I got in," she admitted. "I'm a bit lost as to where to start, to be perfectly honest!"

Stevie's voice was excited. "Well, listen, I've decided it's no good if you're all the way over there on your own, so I'm on the train coming to meet you."

Miranda almost dropped her phone in surprise. "You're lying! Are you really?"

"Should be there in a few hours. Let's meet for dinner! Picked up a guidebook; there's a lovely park nearby which is supposed to be gorg. We could grab some nibbles and go for a walk, plan some adven— stop it!" Stevie's voice turned into a dangerous hiss, and Miranda held her mobile away from her ear slightly.

"What?"

"Sorry, I'm stuck with an absolutely rubbish seatmate. He's been fidgeting the entire trip down and I'm about ready to jam this guidebook up his-"

"Right, see you soon, then?"

"Oh, and Miranda? Wear something nice. We're in Paris."

Miranda rolled her eyes. "Bye, Stevie." She disconnected the call and opened her case to try and sort out what to wear. She settled on the least touristy outfit she'd packed and after showering, got dressed and left the hotel in search of an adventure.

She'd stopped in to three different cafes to do a critical comparison of their pastries before Stevie texted her the name of the park they were to meet at. Dusting crumbs off of her blouse, Miranda checked her map and set off toward her destination.

The park was absolutely gorgeous, with happy couples strolling about the fountains and gardens. She checked her watch and saw she was a bit early for probably the first time in her life. Finding an unoccupied bench, she sat down near the entrance so she could spot Stevie easily.

Five minutes after their appointed meeting time and there was no sign of her. Five minutes turned into ten and then a quarter of an hour, and Stevie wasn't responding to her poorly-spelled 'where are you?!' messages. Starting to feel slightly anxious, Miranda stood up and paced over the grass in front of the bench, keeping her eyes open for the familiar blonde female.

At half past, she sat back down on the bench and sighed miserably to herself. It was awfully lonely being on her own, and when Stevie had called she'd been so excited at the thought of vacationing with her very best friend. But now she was alone again, and it bothered her a lot more than she thought it would. After all, she liked living alone. She was well-practiced at keeping herself entertained on her own.

She was about to get up and leave when she felt a hand on her shoulder, and she felt herself relax completely with relief.

"And you get on me constantly for being late! Where were y—"

Her voice died on her lips as she rose from the bench and turned to see Gary standing there. Her mouth went dry and she felt her knees wobble slightly. She blinked a few times, thinking prolonged exposure to the sun had damaged her retinas, because how could Gary be here, in Paris, looking as nervous as she felt at that moment. She hadn't seen him in over a week and the sight of him was both infuriating and exciting.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded, taking a small step backwards and almost tripping over her own feet in her haste to create some space between them.

"Looking for you. Stevie told me you were here."

Somewhere deep in her stomach she felt a stab of annoyance that her friend had once again spilled the beans, but she ignored it. "Where is she? We were supposed to meet for dinner and…" Suddenly everything clicked into place as she spoke. "Of course, she was never actually going to show, was she? She just wanted to make sure I showed up… She's a tricky one." Even though part of her was angry at being deceived, especially when it came to Gary-related situations, she was still oddly touched that Stevie was still rooting for them. Too bad it was all for naught.

"I wanted to talk to you, but it's a bit difficult when you won't answer my messages or return my calls," Gary said quietly, and Miranda looked away at the fountain nearby, focusing on the prisms that filtered through the water.

"I don't really want to talk about this," she replied. "I'm supposed to be on holiday, I'm supposed to be relaxing. I thought I was meeting a friend for dinner, but obviously those plans have been cancelled, so there's no reason for me to be here. There's no reason you should be here, either." She slowly turned away from him.

Just walk away, she told herself. One foot in front of the other. Just walk away and don't look back.

But she found she couldn't do it no matter how hard she tried. All of the times she'd run away, she'd done behind his back without saying goodbye. Actually walking away from him was proving to be impossible.

Frustrated with herself, she sat down on the bench and sighed in resignation. After taking that to mean she wasn't about to storm off, he moved to sit down beside her, keeping a good amount of distance between them. The foot of space on the bench that separated them somehow felt worse than the emotional distance they'd gone through ever since the proposal.

She kept her eyes fixed on the fountain, refusing to look at him. She knew if did, she'd cry or worse, forgive him without demanding that he explain just what was going on in that head of his.

"Why did you come after me?" she asked finally, curiousity getting the better of her.

"Things were… kind of crazy. Between us, I mean. I had to apologise to you in person because it's my fault that I got everything so wrong."

"You're not entirely to blame for that. We've been getting things wrong ever since we first decided to try being a couple," Miranda admitted, thinking back to that evening at Wilson's when he'd suggested they sleep together and they'd both truly believed it would be that easy. "It's never been easy for us, has it?"

She heard him exhale, and she allowed her eyes to flick over to him for just a brief moment to see he was staring at the same fountain she was.

"Being in love with you, that was the easy part. Trying to find the courage to tell you without coming off like a total idiot was hard. I'm not brave like you are, Miranda. I was too scared of losing you as a friend to realise we could be… more. I wanted that. I want that."

It took her a few seconds for the penny to drop. Her eyes grew as large as saucers when she realised he'd just said he was in love with her. She felt the tears at the corners of her eyes but she kept silent, biting down on her bottom lip nervously.

"You weren't around when I realised that, so I had to talk to Stevie about it. Sorry. So. I'm sorry I proposed to you that morning. I know I shouldn't have, but I was absolutely terrified that I was going to lose you. But I know it's not what you were looking for, what you wanted me to do. It was the wrong way to propose to you."

She felt his gaze on her and she slowly turned towards him. Their eyes met, and she let out the shaky breath she'd been holding in.

"Truth is, there's only one way I'd ever propose to you. Really, there's only one way I ever could."

Confused, she watched as he reached for her hand, and she didn't flinch at his touch. Instead she leaned into it, the familiar feeling of his warm hand wrapped around hers, how her thumb rubbed the back of it, how they just seemed to fit together so perfectly.

"If there was a moment where I knew that I absolutely had to be with you, forever."

She swallowed the lump in her throat, because she felt the same way about him even now, because over top of all the fear and uncertainty she loved him so much and she'd never stop.

"Well, you remember how it goes – the rules say you go to Paris."

She went very still.

"Gary…"

"You go to Paris and you get engaged."

She felt the tears begin to slide down her cheeks. "You can't possibly want to marry me! We haven't even managed to go on a proper date, we've got so much baggage between us, why would you—" She was laughing at how ridiculous it all sounded, but he quickly squeezed her hand and cut her off.

"I've known you for almost fifteen years. I know everything about you already, don't I? Best friend privileges and all. I know how you always cry during the Strictly finale, especially if the underdogs win. How your biggest hope is that one day your parents will actually be proud of you for something other than your marital status. You're scared of aeroplanes, bees, and dinosaurs, even though they're extinct and Jurassic Park won't actually ever happen."

She laughed harder, tears still streaming down her face.

"And… I've told you things I haven't told anyone else. You were the first person I told about my parents getting divorced back in uni. I mean, they're part of the reason why I've always been so flaky about relationships. But I know I can't be like that anymore. Especially not with you. I care about you too much. I love you too much. My biggest regret is that I never had the guts to tell you sooner."

She wiped her cheeks and noticed his eyes were rather wet, too.

"At least I didn't wait until we turned 55, though," he said with a smile, and reached into his pocket. She stopped breathing as he pulled out a ring, and she was very, very thankful they were sitting down.

"Are you actually proposing? Are you actually serious?" she asked in disbelief, because while she absolutely didn't doubt the sincerity of his words, he was still holding an engagement ring and she had no idea what to do.

"Yes. So. I just have to ask now: Miranda, will you marry me?" he asked, and she looked deeply into his eyes and saw their future, a future she'd always dreamed of but had tucked away with all of her other crazy fantasies, because never had marriage been a priority, especially considering how much her parents had pressured her on the subject. A spring wedding, just the two of them, with their closest friends and families. Going on holiday and on adventures, no matter how minor or silly. Maybe someday starting a family. Laughing, arguing, forgiving, all of it.

The way he looked at her was absolute proof that he saw the same future in her eyes.

A grin broke out on her face before she could torture him just a bit longer with her answer. "Yes. Yes, I'll marry you."

Elated, he pulled her to him and kissed her fiercely, his hand curling into her hair and his other arm wrapping around her waist. She wasn't sure if the tears on her cheeks were her own or his but they were happy.

When he pulled away slightly and slipped the ring on her finger, she couldn't keep her eyes off of him, still slightly in awe that he had just proposed to her properly and she'd accepted. Then she felt the cool ring on her finger and she held her hand up between them to admire it.

"Stevie helped me choose it." He leaned in and kissed her on the forehead as Miranda continued to wiggle her fingers, watching the diamond flash in the weakening sunlight.

She snuggled into his side and lay her head on his shoulder, their hands still joined. "Let's just stay here a bit longer."

She felt him kiss the top of her head.

They were quiet for a few minutes, watching the people going by and the sun slowly setting. Suddenly Gary shot upright and laughed.

"I told Stevie I'd text her with the good news. She's probably going crazy with anticipation."

Miranda pulled him back down to her. "Oh, I'm pretty sure she can wait…" She giggled as he kissed her again. "I love you."

His smile made her melt a bit. "I love you, too." He brushed a strand of hair away from her face. "Are you happy?"

"Of course I am, you nut. Ridiculously so," she answered. "Oh dear, we're not going to turn into one of those ridiculously sappy couples like Chris and Allison, are we?"

Gary's laughter was infectious and a sound she'd missed hearing.

"I think we're going to give them a fair run for their money."


End file.
